The Flight

since this is the first post to this blog, i'm going to have to set a few ground rules before i really get going. the first thing you must know about this blog is that the blogger format does not allow for autocorrections -- like adding capitalizations and apostrophes where they are missing, for instance -- so if you cant handle reading txt msg-like text, this may not be the place for you. the other thing is that i like to basically do a stream of consciousness sort of dump on these sort of things -- kinda like im writing an email to each and every one of you -- so please do not get bent out of shape if there are spelling/grammar/factual errors in the text. as you all know, im an idiot, so please forgive any shortcomings that may come about in the writing of this blog. the last thing you guys should know is that blogspot DOES have a handy, in-text-field spellchecker that seems to really handle it's business -- although "spellchecker" appears underlined in red right now -- so you can all rest assured that there will be precious few, if any, spelling mistakes in this blog...although typos will still reign supreme.

and now: the first installment of this epic travel blog....

The Flight from LA to Bangkok ... nitty-gritty details about a very banal subject

so theres not much to write about this part of the journey. the trip consisted of a 14 hour flight from LAX to Seoul, Korea, a short, one hour layover, and a leisurely 6 hour jaunt from Seoul to Bangkok. in all, the total travel time was over 24 hours ... and to tell you the truth, all of it, save for about 4 hours total, sucked balls.

the first flight was the worst: i had to go to the airport at around 8:30 to make an 11 o clock flight. skeelow and papa skee picked me up from kwon's house in beverly hills, 90212. the night before, i had gone out with rani, liza, erica, liza's brother jesse, some guy named steve or something, and emily the fox. we hit up a sweet restaurant in the valley called "genghis cohen" -- i know you're dying to know what the cuisine was like, so lets just say that it was sort of like higher-end, americanized, jewish-new-york-style chinese food....don't ask. it was delicious.

i ordered some moo goo gai pan, drank some brew, and gorged my face. after some discussion of breasts and big arms, we headed over to some other bar that had an outdoor terrace/patio thing with heat lamps. it was crowded. the crowd sort of had a hollywood-hangers-on vibe to it. needless to say, after bogarting a "reserved" table -- we found out later that "reserved" was actually short for "reserved for people who are down to order drinks through the waitress instead of going to the bar, which was fine by us -- and drinking several glasses of johnny black on the rocks, chased with cold draught beer, i was pretty much shithoused.

we said our goodbyes post-2am and i was driven over to kwon's so i could get some sleep before being picked up. kwon wanted to kick it so i got about 2 hours of sleep that night. i was awakened by a call from skeelow; he was 2 minutes away. i jumped out of bed, put on the same clothes that i had been wearing the night before, and ran outside with my shit.

i guess all of this information is to set up exactly how shitty the flights were. by the end of it, when we finally checked into our hotel in bangkok, i hadnt showered or changed clothes in almost 48 hours. attractive.

im getting tired, so basically, this is how the first flight was:

i was seated in the middle seat of a 3 person section. to my right, in the window seat, was a nice korean dude. we communicated in broken english and hand gestures. he seemed pretty cool. the chick to the left of me, in the aisle seat, was totally weird. from the moment we sat down in LA, she put her head down on her tray table and passed out. she subsequently refused all food, water, face towels, peanuts, eye masks, et cetera for the duration of the 14 hour flight. for the first 10-12 hours of the flight, she didnt budge from her seat, except to allow me to jump over her to go the the restroom.

that was basically it: i was hot as balls, uncomfortable, and gassy -- a real bad combination; let's leave it at that. it was a lot of squirming, stretching, farting, watching movies, farting, playing tetris, listening to podcasts, farting, and reading the newspaper. at one point, i tried to hit on one of the korean airlines stewardesses who was crouched on the floor folding newspapers, but she wouldnt give me the time of day. also, there was a really awkward language barrier because apparently, i look very korean, so whenever the stewardesses approached me to ask me a question, it was always in korean -- and i had no fucking clue what was going on. this went on repeatedly; i was lucky that the korean dude was very perceptive and friendly, or i would not have been able to fend for myself.

this is not to speak badly of the korean air stewardesses at all. unlike in america, where unions and worker's rights rule the day, korean airlines still apparently hires it's stewardesses based on appearance. in fact, every single one of those girls looked the same. i was having difficulty telling them apart from one another -- and im asian! also, every single one of them spoke korean, semi-fluent english, and japanese. i mean, with that much talent, one would think that the world would be their oysters, but who knows? maybe korean air offers a good benefits package.

the layover in seoul was uneventful. the airport was extremely new and modern. it was basically like being in any other new airport in the world -- very unremarkable, with that cedary, sort of ski lodge feel to it. it had a walking mall between the terminals and gates. by this point, i was just trying to sleep, so there's really not much more to say here.

the second flight was much better than the first. although i didnt have an individual screen and remote, like i had had on the previous flight. this time, i had a window seat and the guy sitting next to me was a middle-aged guy in the phil margera/rob reiner mold who was headed to thailand for some major dental work, followed by a 2 month vacation.

(side note: how pathetic is it of our medical system in the states that it would be significantly cheaper to fly halfway around the world, seek treatment, and travel for 2 months than it would be to just cash in your insurance benefits and get a couple of crowns? from personal experience, i can tell you that even with a very robust insurance plan, a crown costs well over $1000. that's more than a flight to thailand and a week of frugal living.

now picture this: you are this phil margera/rob reiner guy. you live in seattle and you work, i think. you havent visited the dentist for over 15 years and you are pretty damn sure that you will require significant dental work. what sounds better: 3 visits the the dentist, about 6 hours of chairtime, and a $2500 dent in your wallet or an $800 flight to thailand, cheap as dirt -- yet surprisingly competent -- dental treatment, and two months in the islands banging 18 year old thai hookers while spending 5 dollars a day on your expenses? i mean, there's no decision there, right?)

i slept for most of the flight and phil/rob woke me up whenever the food or drink service arrived, which was early and often. the food on both flights was stellar. ive honestly never had better food than on korean airlines. the one meal the stood out was a beef with cashews and broccoli dish with rice, some strange sesame soy product, and red carpet cheesecake ice cream -- it was about 80% as good as it sounds, by the way.

when i arrived in bangkok, i found out that skeelow's flight had been delayed so i was the first one there. after clearing customs, i proceeded to hit on as many of the hot thai airport workers as i could find. it turned out that skeelow and papa skee arrived at basically the same time. so after about a 2 hour wait, we finally emerged from the air conditioned airport into the hot, humid night.

more from bangkok after we leave.